All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
