I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You made out with two different species that night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
