problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Terrible idea I love it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
