Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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