he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he fucked my hip out of place.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
