Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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