If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
