Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
