i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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