is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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