I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
