well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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