True but thats because hes a fetus.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
