we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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