I heard we made out
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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