Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
