hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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