YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
