good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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