You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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