My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
