Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
