This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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