I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
