ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
