Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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