i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
