I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize