I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
