When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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