Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
