So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize