Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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