He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
