watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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