Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
