doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize