Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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