Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Sext me about skeletons
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
