mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
