I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
