There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
