i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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