I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
