Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
