1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
