Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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