so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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