I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
