she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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