I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
