When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
