wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
