No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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