He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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