He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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