Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
