Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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