i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize