No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You need a sexual gate keeper
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
