When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
