And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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