Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
