Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
