Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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