I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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