one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
