i don't like sucking hair
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize