I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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