Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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