someone threw a dead crab at me
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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