I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
